My circumstances are such that a man just walked up to me and handed me £20 just to bless me after I had been told by a Security Guard not to lay down on the 9fc376_5e0f5cd9a1a84e99bae46ed6e584d607seats at the train station. The gift was a free gift, even if it was premeditated to test me and even though he was tipsy, he gave generously and with an open heart. When such things happen it always causes such love and joy to rise up in me to an out-radiance to those around me, and indeed to the one who gave. There have been times in my life when things like sponsorship to mission training has not been free or open, or given with joy. These gifts come with agendas and with expectations of ownership and control, and they can only ever rise up in me a curiosity as to why they gave in the first place, looking for their motive and then regretting receiving from them for these “gifts that are not gifts” which always weigh me down and oppress me. There is no joy in such gifts, for the giver or the receiver, for things that come from hearts that are not moved by love or delight in having the capacity to help a fellow child of God and bring life and beauty and liberty to them. At one of the shelters that I have been given the privilege of having a momentary bed in, they had pre-made food donated from one of the bigger cafe chains and I would take as much as was left over and hand them out around the streets. What a joy for me to share food with hungry people and the joy it gives them that someone else actually cares and thinks ahead to do this. I am a much better giver than receiver normally and would rather serve than be served, this period of my life has turned the tables and I have relearnt the capacity to receive 1297what is given in joy and freedom, and a firmness in me to refuse what is not given in such a manner that I would not ever be oppressed by false gift giving again. So since this time of learning what to receive and what not too, I have refused an apartment, a farm, a singing career, a house and car if I go to a particular bible college (3 times this happened in 3 different places). Unfortunately I have also missed good opportunities as well from open hearted people in my attempt to come into a maturity in this balancing act, and for this I would ask for forgiveness from those who’s generosity is of a similar ilk to mine. In Grace mixed with Mercy and for the Fathers Love to cover all, In Jesus Name, Amen

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